I used to sleep like a baby. I never had insomnia. Not lately! But, I had nightmares, bad dreams. I blamed movies and series for these dreams. And I was right. I guess. People like to sleep on weekends. On Sundays. I don’t! I hate sleep. It’s a waste of time. Seriously. And it’s the only state of mind that we can’t control. And exactly fifty-two Sundays ago I woke up to the worst nightmare ever. The first thing that went to my mind after having my name screamed and seeing what I saw was “God, please, let this be a dream!”
Being a man of the house sucks. I knew it will suck, but not this much. Being the one to take care of other members of the family, even if they’re just a couple of them, and mostly just a single one, it’s not easy. Everybody can take of themselves, because, well we can have soup every day for lunch, butter for breakfast, and most of the time we won’t need dinner. Having to be the first one to be woken up and do all the morning routines – taking care of the lights, fire, chickens, etc., it’s way more different that just waking up, checking your emails, putting on a couple episodes of ‘Friends’. Hardly ever you’ll have time to go to bed watching ‘Cheers’, and Interaktiv will be way too late for you. And there are hundreds of other things to take care of.
They say the grief has its stages. Most of them say it has five. But, almost all of them are sure for one thing – the grief will never ever go away. Sometimes it will be easier on you, sometimes it will hard. You can take pills and stuff, but I never wanted to alter my emotions with pills. And I never will. We should face the reality and try to rule it. We can’t rule anything that’s beyond our power, but we can master our emotions. That makes us the strongest one. And the strongest one are the weakest one. Only they’re masked. We want to think that we can prevail in everything. That we are heartless, senseless, careless, but we’re the one that feel, care the most. And because it seems that we don’t need anybody, as a matter of fact we need the people. We need the most loved ones.
And when they’re not there when you need them the most, it just adds to the pain. But, we have those who don’t forget us. And we appreciate every single syllable that they have for us. Just a simple call, for absolutely no reason helps. Helps more than money, more than everything. And we never ought to forget the people who were the closest to us when we needed them the most. I haven’t and I never will. Only God knows the greatness and the relief that they provided to me.
Even if I were an early person, dad was the one who always woke up before me. He walked me up, because every ‘good night’ time, I asked him to do so. Most of the time I already was up, but it was like a duty, a reason for him to wake up, a job to do for him in the morning. He never failed me. Except fifty-two Sundays ago. And for the past three hundred sixty five mornings I’ve been waking up in my own. I know this must be some kind of joke. And I know he will wake me up one day.
And I think it’s time for him to do so. Tomorrow. It’s been too long. He needs to wake me up in the morning and tell me that all this was a play, a joke on me, and I’ll act surprise, I’d really do. Anything. But, please wake me up.
Somebody… anybody, wake me up because this isn’t funny anymore!